I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
