fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
