Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
