Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
i now understand why vodka
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
