Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
