Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
