the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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