Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
