I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
