dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
her facebook's as public as her vagina
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
