i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
