And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
