You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I see more hoeing in ur future
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