Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
