I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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