I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
