we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
