ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
