he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
