Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
