Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
