Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
