Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
