I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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