Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
