What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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