Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
