the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
We named our party play list daddy issues
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
