thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
