Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
