out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
please don't ironically join a cult
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