He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
