when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
