i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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