I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
