I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize