I'm jealous of your bromance
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
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