grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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