i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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