i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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