apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
