never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize