Farmville is her only friend.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
