I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
