I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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