I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
