hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
