love makes seman taste better
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
