Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
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