I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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