You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
