When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
