I think i peed on brittanys purse
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You are the jesus of drinking
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
