he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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