You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
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