What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
