This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I just want nice things and good sex
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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