i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
