Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
