woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Just pee around me
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize