there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
