Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
