I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
