I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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