The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
