so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize