'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
is that a dick in a sweater?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
