I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
