I could make wine with my vomit
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
