I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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