Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
