please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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