dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
