a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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