but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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