R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize