Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
My cat gives me a boner
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
