we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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