Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
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