the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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