I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
