so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
