I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Terrible idea I love it
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
