White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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