Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize