Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
