69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
