Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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