I need help removing her.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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