Me. At least after what I've been through.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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