you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
