he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
What drink are we having for lunch?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
