Buhtt sex?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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