while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
