i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
