I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
