she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
