I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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