you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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