you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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