I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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