So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
my shit smells like andre
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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