kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize