I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
