now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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