Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
