Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
