There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
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