Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
