Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
