All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
