omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
