I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize