guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
