Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
